Healing isn’t linear.

Honestly, nothing in life is linear.

What do I mean by that?

Instagram and all of social media, make us believe that things ARE linear.
You should start at the bottom and get better in a beautiful consistent and steady pace until we reach perfection.

Let’s all take a minute, to remember that 95% of what you see on social media, is not real.

We see what the influencer want us to see.
Photoshop and filters, hide the truth and then we start comparing ourselves to the photoshopped perfections.
Insert your negative self-talk here, which tells you that it’s easy for everyone else, so it should be easy for you.

We constantly criticize what we see in the mirror.
We constantly compare ourselves to that girl that lost 100lbs in 6 months.
We constantly critique our bodies, and every imperfection you can find.
We constantly let our self-esteem deplete and never feel good enough.

Do you remember the days before social media?
Do you remember what it was like to sit with your own thoughts, and not mindlessly scroll comparing every part of your life to everyone else?

I barely do.

The biggest social media I had growing up, was Myspace and Xanga, ya’ll remember those days?
They were GEWD.
If you were mad at your bestie, you took them off of your “Top 8.”
If you and your boyfriend were going through it… you had a song on your profile that fit the exact struggle.

Razr flip phones and T9 texting, I would honestly love to go back to those days, but we never will.
We are so connected to each other, we know what everyone is doing every second of the day.
This can be a good thing, but mostly it affects our mental health in the worst way.

The guy you are dating, didn’t text you back but he posted on Instagram.
You sent the guy you like a sexy snapchat, and he opened it but never responded.
Your ex still follows you and watches your stories on the regular.
You stalk your exes Facebook to see who is happier.

It’s constantly in our face, and has us wondering why they never texted you back, and you feed the unworthy feelings your mind tells you.

If you didn’t have anxiety 15 years ago, you probably have it now.
If you didn’t have self-esteem issues 15 years ago, you probably have it now.

What you consume daily, affects your life in more ways than you realize.
I have a love/hate relationship with social media.

I love that it keeps me connected to all of the friends I have made through all of these years, but I hate how it makes people think they can access me anytime. I hate how it makes us compare yourselves to each other.
“Their marriage is so perfect, they are so happy… they never fight.”
“She is so happy with her life, she has it so easy and never has to worry about a single stretchmark.”
“How does she looks so good? She doesn’t have any cellulite?”

I am very much the type of person, who loves being around people and interacting with others… but I also have to recharge my social battery. I know when I start to feel a certain way, I need a cleanse from social media.
My anxiety can build up so bad, that I don’t respond to texts for weeks at a time, and thankfully my friends/family know this. It’s nothing personal, I just know what I need for my own mental health.

Do you?

Do you recognize and catch yourself when you fall into a funk?
Do you notice what triggers the negative self-talk that?
Do you get irritated easily, and can step back and realize you need more sleep before you interact with people?
Do you find yourself comparing to that girl at the gym, who has the hourglass figure you dream about?
Do you find yourself looking at someone else’s before/after pictures, and starve yourself the next 3 days hoping that will help you look the same?
Do you find yourself deep into someone’s social media, comparing every part of their life to yours?

If we don’t recognize our own mental habits and how we process all the information that is thrown in our face daily, we will stay stuck in that funk. We will consistently feed our brain with thoughts of never feeling good enough. We shove our brain full of other people’s perfect lives, and wish that we could have that life.
(Spoiler alert: NO ONE has a perfect life or relationship.)

From the time I was 9 years old, up until I was in my late 20’s I compared myself to my best friend.
I was never as pretty as her.
I was never as skinny as her.
Guys never looked at me like they did her.
Guys never wanted me, like they did her.
I was never as good at sports as she was.

I had hips and a big butt and was incredible ashamed of them. I hid my body under a hoodie daily.
I hated going clothes shopping with my friends, because no one else was built like I was.
I prayed at night that God would make me look like a stick and take away my curves.

I would be disgusted at what I saw in the mirror.
I would eat like a mouse at lunch, because our track coach would come and monitor what we were eating.
I would go sit in the sauna for an hour after school, hoping that I could sweat it all off.

Every single boyfriend I had in high school, cheated on me with one of my friends.

I never felt good enough.

And… ya’ll this was 2004-2008.
We didn’t have social media like we do today… and that’s how I felt DAILY.

I think back to that girl, and I feel so much compassion for her.
I think back to that girl that never felt good enough and just want to hug her tightly and tell her that one day… one day she will feel beautiful, worthy and loved.

It took me until my late 20’s to truly love my body for everything it is.
It took me until my late 20’s to truly thank God for not taking away my curves.
It took me until my late 20’s to start going to therapy to deal with all of the trauma and self-esteem issues that held my brain hostage.

It took me until my late 20”s to love myself unconditionally.

I cannot even fathom what it’s like growing up in today’s world, with all of social media.
I look at the girls I coach, and preach the importance of mental health and talking about your feelings, you couldn’t pay me enough to be that age in todays technological world.


I have a pretty high presence on my social media, mostly to share my experiences of life and that all the healing I have done over these last 5 years, has NOT been linear. It has NOT been easy. I still struggle daily with feeling good enough, but I have the resources I need to walk through all of those emotions. I sit with my feelings fully, and recognize what triggers them.
I make an effort to do the work, to read the books and learn about my trauma…so I can be my best self.

The early years of my life, I disassociated on the regular so I didn’t have to deal with my thoughts.
I used alcohol to cope so I didn’t have to feel any feelings.
I threw fake smiles on and recited “I’m fine” to myself in the mirror so it came out quickly when anyone asked how I was doing.

My point is, life isn’t linear.
Healing isn’t linear.
Your fitness journey to a healthier life, isn’t linear.

There will never be a point in your life, that everything will be consistently good and no bad will happen.
Dark times will continue to come.
You will have a setback and you will feel like you want to give up, but trust me beautiful…. keep pushing.
Every time you stand back up, you get stronger and it gets a little easier the next time.

Your trauma does NOT define you, but it doesn’t mean you don’t have to deal with it.

Therapy saved my life and I will preach until the day I die that everyone needs it.
We all have trauma, and until you recognize what yours is and how to deal with it… you will continue to stay stuck.

I hope one day you see how wonderful and worth you are, despite what your body looks like.
I hope one day you can look in the mirror and not criticize every wrinkle or flab you may find.
I hope one day you can reach out your hand to help someone else struggling in the same ways that you were.

I hope one day you realize how perfectly imperfect you are, and you can love yourself through every season that life gives you.

I hope you know that this life you were given, isn’t linear and it was never meant to be.

Keep fighting.
Keep working.

❤