“For I know the plans I have for you…”

At 21,000 feet I felt God tell me “this is exactly where you are meant to be.”
If you’ve never felt God speak to you, you probably aren’t listening close enough.

I left my house at 9am Monday morning, I had booked my flight about five minutes before I left.

I was emotional af.
I had to send Baxter to my moms the night before and hadn’t mentally prepared to tell him “see you later.”

I cried a lot.
I drank two (yes, TWO) bottles of wine and packed my bags, while I tried to distract myself from all of my nerves.

I woke up in the morning, nervous/anxious and terrified.

Is this what I should be doing?
Maybe I should cancel.
I knew that this was going to be a life-changing experience but 100% outside of my comfort zone and that was terrifying.

I got to the airport, made my way through security and found my gate.
Of course, had to get a coffee and found a seat in a corner away from all of the people.
I was nauseous because of how anxious I was, that I couldn’t even eat the Starbucks breakfast sandwich I bought.
I shoved it in my back pack and pulled out my xanax and took a full one.
My heart was racing. Tears started forming.

Can I just go back and tell them to give me my bags back and head home?
I had this moment of panic that I shouldn’t go. I needed to stay in Ohio in my little comfort zone.

I fought back my tears and boarded the plane.
Thankful for the window seat so I could stare out and the kind lady next to me wouldn’t see my tears.
The xanax kicked in and I was able to fall in and out of sleep as the trip began.

I woke up just before we were landing and my hands were still shaking with anxiety.

I was going to miss Baxter. I have never left him this long and he is almost nine years old.
He is my fur baby. He doesn’t understand that I am leaving for a long time, he probably think I am abandoning him.
I was going to miss Beau, I’m so used to seeing him AT LEAST one day a week. He is almost one and constantly changing. Will he even remember me when I come back?

My nieces, I wouldn’t get to have karaoke sessions with them and dance around the house.
I wouldn’t get to give them piggy back rides and I would miss Britains 5th birthday.

My volleyball girls, how is it possible I could care for those nine girls so much in such a short time?
I love watching them grow and become such great athletes.
I love their goofiness and how much they make me laugh at practice and tournaments.
I hated leaving such an amazing group of girls that, without a doubt are going to have an amazing season.

But, as much as I love all of those things and I would miss them more than anything….I hate my full-time job.
My plans for my future has just been destroyed…I found out a week before I was leaving that my plan for NP school was not going to happen. I was denied into the program, again.

And, now at 31 years old, I have no idea what I want to do from here.
I knew that I couldn’t keep going through this life every single day hating work. It wasn’t worth it.
I knew God planted this opportunity at the most perfect time in my life…. but I just wasn’t sure my heart was ready.
But sometimes, we aren’t ready but God reassures us that we are on the right path, even when we continue to give Him resistance.

And you know what?
I got on the plane anyways.

I knew God had my back and this is what I need to be doing.

As, we flew in and the wild ride began, I don’t think I sat down or had time to think until I finally got into bed that night at the hotel.

I cried, hard.
Ugly cried.
I don’t know the last time I truly cried that hard.

Should I tell them I can’t do this?
Should I just call my boss and say PLEASE send me home?
Will Baxter be okay?
Am I meant to be here?

I cried so hard and then I prayed.
I turned to the one Man in my life that has never let me down.
I prayed so hard to God to just calm these uncertainties and help assure me that THIS is what I am meant to be doing.

I finally fell asleep before midnight and woke up the next morning, still anxious but not quite as bad as before.

I got to the airport and met the lady I’m going to be working with during this trip and felt myself calm a little more. We definitely clicked and have similar personalities, so it helped me feel a bit better.

But, still these knots in my stomach just kept making me doubt all of this.

We boarded the flight and thankfully I had no one in my row.
We took off and I turned on a movie to distract me on the four hour flight.

And then, the pilot came on and said we would be landing shortly.
I opened up the window at 21,000 feet and as we started to descend I saw the mountains and my heart was calm.

“You are about to have a life-changing experience Laura. Don’t doubt it. The plans I have for you, are things you never imagined.”

A smile came across my face and happy tears slid down my cheek.

I don’t know what this adventure holds, and I am sure anxiety and nerves will creep back in but I have no doubt that this is where I need to be right now.

So, cheers to new adventures and new experiences.

I’m going to miss everyone so much, but Thank God for technology and FaceTime.

🖤🤟🏼